I hope I’m wrong and crazy?

Humanity *****.

At first I thought knowledge was the cure. In a sense, it was, but in other ways it was a poison: Like a kid that learns his dog actually didn’t get sent to the farm for a holiday, I resent knowing why but not knowing how to do anything differently.

Sure, I could manipulate people, but I already do it anyways; I create metaphors for the issues people have confounding variables for which would distort their view of it in that charming, ever-human style.
A rare few insights slip through the net, but they’re often scant and always partial. Like consolatory pats on the back before eternal damnation.

Everyone wants to be right, everyone wants knowledge, but nobody can deal with the price you pay for it — myself included. I hope we all get what we desire, so we can rot alongside one another in blissful nihilism. Many times it isn’t even a true metaphor, my patterns are just so far removed yet similar in essence, I end up with connections most people don’t see unless explained or coaxed.

And then humanity kicks in, and despite all points leading to one conclusion, someone otherwise logical will say “no.”
“No, that isn’t how I want it to be.”
And I ask what evidence they have to suggest otherwise.
And they say,
“No, you’re wrong. I will spin in circles until I can sufficiently confuse myself into a sense on security. I will argue in cliche patterns and blatant, emotive fallacies, simply because they are marred with your red hands.”

Now I think, FINE.
Do what you like. I’m tired. I’m going to think about myself for 5 hours.
But then they’re gone, and I can’t rot by myself, because I need to wait for elder others to come before, as is tradition. Tradition is a connection so far removed it wears a guise of sentimentality and pomp while bloating in indulgence underneath.

And now I wonder, how do I become happy? I would be happy if everyone else were dead, or I was dead and nobody cared. But both of those are unavailable.

Heres hoping there is hope left; heres hoping I’m stupid and wrong, and there is no method to my madness.