asked:

I’ve been asking around, and there seems to be more than a few people who believe that the relationship battle is won once you make your way through the awkward early stages of dating. But those people are sadly mistaken. In actuality, the real challenges don’t begin until you officially decide to become a couple. That’s when all types of obstacles begin to surface; all of which are uniquely designed to derail your blossoming love. Whether you allow these issues to tear your relationship apart or not is totally up to you and your mate. In the meantime, it’s my job to highlight some of the major obstacles that you may encounter along the way. While I can’t provide you with every single trapping that could potentially throw a monkey wrench into your relationship, I can share with you my “Top 5 Relationship Killers.”
1. Family and Friends
For the majority of us, the importance of our significant other successfully co-existing with our family and friends cannot be understated. But, for a variety of reasons, things don’t always go as smoothly as we would hope. For instance, maybe his friends constantly give him a hard time for always ditching them to go compare decorative pillows and throws with you at the Pottery Barn. Or maybe it’s the other way around, and your mother is always rude to him because she’d rather see you with Rev. Washington’s oldest son Bobby … you know, so she can finally claim the good pew at church.
This type of interference isn’t uncommon in relationships, and if left unchecked can oftentimes transform happy lovebirds into a pair of resentful malcontents. (The Mike Tyson Translation: “Her get mad. Him get mad 2.”)
2. Becoming Too Comfortable
On the surface, a high comfort level with your mate is what every couple strives for. Unfortunately, the very same comfort level that you long for may also wind up being a relationship killer. I’ve often found that too much comfort can eventually lead to boredom within the relationship. Want some early warning signs of dangerous comfort levels? Then ask yourself the following questions.
**Do you always have movie night only on Friday nights?
**Is your “special meal of the week,” i.e. Sunday morning pancakes always served like clockwork?
**Do you always buy her those same flowers every Valentine’s Day?
**Do you only give him oral *** on holidays like New Years Eve, Thanksgiving, and Martin Luther King’s birthday? (Thank God almighty, he’s free at last…)
Such monotonous patterns often serve as the fuel which ignites your loved one‘s desire to find stimulation from other places—but we’ll touch more on that later.
3. Different Goals
When you were kids, it didn’t matter that you wanted to be the first female President, while he longed to be a Thundercat. Everyone knew that the relationship would only last 3 days anyway … well 5 days if you were really in love. But now that you’re an adult, the goals that you set for yourself should play a major role when sifting through potential mates.
It makes absolutely no sense to tie yourself to someone whose goals don’t compliment the things that you hope to accomplish in your own life. That’s not to say you have to marry someone with a background in finance if your life is tied to Wall Street. But, if education is something that’s important to you, then your loved one should at least be able to pass a basic reading test. And if you long to have a family one day, then they should probably want kids as well. Even if you’re one of those carefree types who cringe at the thought of responsibility, then you should only seek those individuals that live by that same creed. Anything to the contrary is bound to contribute to an early relational grave. (R.I.P. random person that I shouldn’t have been with in the first place.)
4. The Past
I have an uncle named Cornelius who somehow got stuck in a time warp. I kid you not; the man still walks around wearing his “snug” Class of ’72 high school letterman jacket, telling any and everyone that he was and still is the “coldest cat at Jefferson High.” It’s sad if you ask me … not to mention embarrassing.
That same type of “Cornelius” mentality can infiltrate your relationship if you allow it. Those who constantly live in the past don’t give their existing relationship a fair shot. Maybe you’re still comparing your current mate to an ex lover. Or perhaps you’re still coming to grips with the fact that your man was once arrested for cruelty to midgets long before he met you. Whatever the case may be, when the past continues to resurface, don’t be surprised if your relationship becomes a casualty as a result of it.
5. Cheating
An obvious addition to the list, cheating is the not-so-silent killer of the bunch. Some couples try to rebound after a mate violates the integrity of the relationship, and some actually succeed in repairing the damage. But it’s a difficult obstacle to overcome, and will undoubtedly be an issue that will continue to haunt you throughout the

Monique A asked:

So here is the background on this question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=2…

After the episode of not calling, he finally called me late night four days after our date asking if I wanted to hang out. Mind you that we have NEVER slept together… We haven’t even gone to second base. I keep reminding him that I wake up for work at 6AM but he forgets. He calls me at like 2AM last minute wanting to hangout. He says things like, “your so cute, I wanna see you bad etc etc. I would hang out late, but 1. I work an 8-5 job and 2. i’m 23 and I have a strict aunt who won’t let me hang out late because of work on weeknights to keep me responsible.
From what I know, he’s a full time college student and he is a bartender 2 nights a week.

So we set up a Friday to hang out. He never called, and there was a snow storm. He texted me the next night saying he was sorry that he was snowed in and his phone died. So we set up to hang out again late after his work as a bartender on Saturday (around 3 am) He called me, and he was supposed to take a cab over. He never showed up.

I’ve kind of ignored him. He periodically (every 4 day about) texts me last minute late at night to see how I am and if I want to hang out again with the sentiment of wanting to see me really bad etc. I offered to chill to see what he does.. but he doesn’t come, or he can’t pick me up. He has asked me to take a cab and I refuse and then after a conversation we will hang up.

He never picks up my calls or texts during the day, he returns them at 3 am. I already asked him honestly if he has a girlfriend (to which he replies no) He says that im fun and cool and he would like to get to know me In one text he even said the the Holiday season has kind of F**d us over in terms of timing. I’ve said it plainly that i’m not a booty call etc. I mean.. I would figure that any guy who had even the slightest prospect of booty or scoring would be at my house in a flash to claim the “reward” but he doesn’t do that.

Per our last conversation. He drunk dialed me and we were talking. I voiced my frustrations telling him that I was patient and I have given him plenty of opportunity. I even juxtaposed and confirmed with him that he found me smart, attractive, non-clingy and interesting and he’s like, “you don’t like me” “Do you think it could work out between us?”

All in all.. I don’t quite understand this guy for the following reasons?

1. He doesn’t follow the normal booty call pattern of calling and dictating that he wants booty and running over to pick me up at the slightest prospect, (remember he had the opportunity to come to my house when NOBODY was home, he didn’t take it)

2. He still calls me and texts me (albeit very late) and he talks about things like holding me and cuddling me… he never mentions sexual stuff. After that.. he drops off the face of the earth till he calls me back a few days later.

3. He teases or at least slightly hints that I don’t really like him or act like I want to see him .. even though I think I made it clear by
saying “I want to chill” ?

4. He acknowledges the fact that i’m smart, attractive, fun and cool to talk to.. he does actually talk to me for awhile on those nights when we talk. He teases and calls me a **** for not hanging out…

What has me confused is that he doesn’t follow the normal pattern for a booty call? The timing is right… but he has had plenty of opportunity to “reap” the benefits … and he doesn’t even do that? …Not that I make it easy at all.. but at least hedge your bets?

Normal convention tells me to drop him immediately.. but I kind of like his personality and stuff.. and I think i’m a bit intrigued by the situation since I don’t understand the psychology behind it.
What the hell does he want!

asked:

I’ll summarize this the best I can:

Broke up over a year ago, went out for years. Good relationship. I was a good boyfriend, but not perfect. I think her fears and friends got the best of her and she dumped me.

I didn’t want to stay her friend and let her know that. She would ignore me when I tried to work things out. As soon as I’d give up, she’d contact me again. She got a new boyfriend right away who is truly a putz (I’m normally not so judgmental or bold but many have confirmed this as well). I ignored her for a while and she kept texting me with compliments after she’d see me around town. When I’d see her, she’d cry and glaze at me.

Eventually, I agreed to meet up. She seemed really interested and we had a talk. Seemed like we were really gonna get back together, but I ruined the whole evening at the end when I dissed her friends for telling them to break up with me.

Since the breakup, I really improved myself a lot and am in school for my masters. This whole thing after the breakup has been a mess and it’s like we are playing games with each other. We were supposed to meet up since the incident, but I wasn’t ready so I put off our meeting. Then a month later I contacted her and she ignored it. Her birthday is coming up and now the holidays to follow. I figure she thinks I’m waiting on the backburner (even though I am still dating girls). This whole thing is dumb and I hope she contacts me after I ignore her during the holidays and stuff. I really think she likes me, but it’s a pride thing at the moment.

I really love this girl with all my heart. It’s been a month or two since I last contacted her. Since then, she called me and hung up when I answered. Will she likely pop up again judging by her patterns? Will she likely s*** or get off the pot? Please don’t say move on bc I’m already kinda doin that.

lotus flower asked:

I’ve noticed a pattern in my ex’s behaviour everytime he gets something new he becomes more distant. The first time it was a car, now it’s a new phone. Maybe i’m being paranoid, but i sense that he’s doing that thing again.Last time he cut me out without saying a word, he went on holiday, he came back, i told him i missed him and he was gone. He wouldn’t answer my call or my text message and before that me and him were supposed to go to the cinema together, on the day he didn’t even call and cancel. He just didn’t call. It took me moving on, going out with someone else for him to pick up phone and want to do the whole cinema thing. We started the dating thing, but i didn’t trust him because of what he did leaving for a month like that, so i asked us to do the whole friend thing. Wether were friends or not now even though i made the utterly stupid mistake of sleeping with him, i think it’s a matter of respect and importance. You just don’t find someone that important if you can make arrangements with them and not even bother to call. I know how he works and i know what he’s doing again. He’ll probably call me whilst he was on holiday or maybe not that this time, just to make sure i’m there when he gets back. He did that the last time. Then it proceeded with him ignoring my calls and my text message, then i didn’t hear from him. When i spoke to him he was really nervous to be calling me. This time he doesn’t even get that. I think he gets curious to see how i’m getting on, why i moved on so quickly the last time, and that’s thein reason he called. This time he doesn’t even get a look in. When he came back he was really passionate and seemed really sweet, the first thing i said was lets hang out at your house when we made up. He replied by saying lets do the whole cinema thing, lets date. Now he can’t even stick to an appointment. He’s in the wrong here, and i’ll never let him hurt me again. Maybe this seems extreme, but he lives only two minutes away and his garden is opposite me, the last time he broke my heart i was crying, whilst he was playing reggae music opposite me. There’s no place for people trying to emotionally sabotage me, i’m trying to gather the strength to build my own company.How do i block his calls on a t mobile phone, he crossed me once, he doesn’t get to do it to me again.

Lister asked:

I met a girl about a month ago who I was impressed with because she was interesting and kind as well as beautiful. She expressed wanting to stay in touch, which made me happy. I went on a 2 week holiday and she called me twice to check on me, and after that, said she would contact me again the second week. I bought her a necklace while I was overseas. Well the second week came and I heard nothing from her. I tried her number too, but no answer. By this time I was dissappointed and a bit angry because I assumed she lost interest and didn’t care anymore.

Having come back from my holiday as soon as I landed home I tried her number again with no response. I went to see her at her workplace that same day but her boss said she hadn’t come in, which was unusual. I assumed she’d gotten my number and knew I would show up, so decided to take work off. This to me, was a similar pattern to what I’d experienced in a previous relationship.

I left the necklace where she works and asked the reception to give it to her. I felt as though that was my way of saying “thanks for nothing”. That same day I had a one-nighter with someone else, and thought I need to give up on the first girl.

However the thoughts kept bothering me and I kept feeling upset and angry. I decided it was time to confront her face to face and ask her why she gave me false hopes. I went to meet her and when I met her, she was happy and was wearing the necklace I’d given her. We spoke for a while and she wanted to make plans to continue seeing me.

I did not end up expressing my anger because seeing her changed something in me, all I asked was why she never called me and her answer was that she was busy and also had accidentally deleted my number. (So I wasn’t ‘saved’ in her phone).

Our relationship is only starting so I am afraid if I bring it up she will think I am low. I am not sure if what I have done is wrong, if it should be out in the open or if it should be left alone. Another thing I fear is that this should not be a pattern if there is ever another misunderstanding or if I feel low. What are your honest thoughts?

Jake asked:

Hey everyone.

I like a girl who is extremely beautiful to me. She’s outgoing, friendly, loves the beach, camping and relaxing. I love doing those things too and she’s told me that she wants to come along with me when I go up the coast next week for a holiday.

She seems to be open to us maybe getting together but I’m very self conscious. All my life I’ve copped abuse for being a red-headed guy and not a nice sight to look at.

Is it possible that by some freak occurance this girl mightn’t mind how I look when all others have taunted me to no end? I never thought that a female would like how I look.

I’m just a bit confused that’s all. Can any ladies help me out? What might her mindset or thought pattern be?

Thanks

At a loss asked:

Me and my gf been going out for 2 years now. we used to see each other all we could but now we only see each other once a week. at first it was our different work patterns that made it hard to see each other as much, but now ita as if thats all she want. when we have the chance to see each other more, she rarely takes it up. so once a week it is and she calls that a relationship!

I want to see her more but she always finds an excuse not to, usually she ‘busy’, but never tells me what she doing thats more important than us being together.

this week we both on holiday and we spent sat to tues together. we went for days out to different places and as far as i know we both enjoyed it.

anyway, tomorrow she has a job interview and asked if it was ok if we didnt see each other tonight so she could be on her own to prepare for it. of corse i said it was ok, and added if she wanted the whole day to prepare or just chill before the interview then thats ok too. so she said could she have the whole day and i agreed.

I just text half hour ago to see if she ok because she always stresses out before an interview. she said yes she fine and decided to meet her friends in town. Now this has annoyed me somewhat because I gave up my day with her so she could prepare for the interview, not so she could go out with her friends.

she always doing things like this. usually she says she busy or tired so we cant meet up. then i find out she with friends.

I am annoyed but am i over reacting?

Kevin asked:

You know it is one of those wonderful times again when a relationship ends and you take stock of yourself and where you’re going. Here’s the odd thing I noticed today while going through this phase again…I am horrible at relationships! It’s the truth…I’ve got it down to a calendar pattern now. I’ll meet someone new here in a month or so…we’ll do the holiday’s have an awesome spring and then by the end of summer/beginning of fall it will end. Please, if anyone out there has found themselves in this pattern and seen slim to marginal personal growth; let me know your story.

kat12 asked:

Most of my relationships tend to start in March and end around July or August. Its a pattern and I dont like it much. Makes the holidays hard ofcourse when family members question or feel sorry for ya. I dunno crazy stuff. If anyone has an answer thanks much.

At a loss asked:

Me and my gf been going out for 2 years now. we used to see each other all we could but now we only see each other once a week. at first it was our different work patterns that made it hard to see each other as much, but now ita as if thats all she want. when we have the chance to see each other more, she rarely takes it up. so once a week it is and she calls that a relationship!

I want to see her more but she always finds an excuse not to, usually she ‘busy’, but never tells me what she doing thats more important than us being together.

this week we both on holiday and we spent sat to tues together. we went for days out to different places and as far as i know we both enjoyed it.

anyway, tomorrow she has a job interview and asked if it was ok if we didnt see each other tonight so she could be on her own to prepare for it. of corse i said it was ok, and added if she wanted the whole day to prepare or just chill before the interview then thats ok too. so she said could she have the whole day and i agreed.

I just text half hour ago to see if she ok because she always stresses out before an interview. she said yes she fine and decided to meet her friends in town. Now this has annoyed me somewhat because I gave up my day with her so she could prepare for the interview, not so she could go out with her friends.

she always doing things like this. usually she says she busy or tired so we cant meet up. then i find out she with friends.

Should I be annoyed or am I over reacting??